Happy New Year!!! I have been working on this post for over a month now. It has been good for me to write, review, change, review again, and work to get my frame of mind in a better place. There has been so many changes in our lives since 2019, chapters opened and closed, that at times my head just spins. So I am going to complete this post and move onto making 2024 the best year since we have moved! Wish me luck!
I LOVE Christmas! However, since we moved to Olathe I cannot seem to find the Christmas spirit that I had in Durango. I was not sure what exactly I needed to do to feel that way again….but something needed to change. I spent the month of December trying to find that feeling again. I know each chapter of our lives looks and feels different but not having Christmas in my heart has been so hard. I could see pieces of it but just not like it use to. I worked to remove some of the sadness and took more time to enjoy the little things.
The first Christmas we were married, Brad and I decided to cut down our Christmas tree. I thought it was a great idea, and I believe he did too until we were doing it. I am sure that Brad asked himself these questions…what have I gotten myself into, who is this crazy lady that I married, and are we ever going to find a tree?
We searched for quite a while and ended up hiking more than either one of us were hoping. I kept finding these perfect, great big, beautiful Christmas trees that I wanted and Brad would say they would not fit in our house. My solution was to cut off the top and just use that as our tree. The tops were so pretty and none of the smaller trees compared. We finally found a tree that was perfect for us that year! We had walked around so much that we had a ton of mud caked to our boots. So it was a great workout bringing our tree down to the truck.
After that year, we decided that we would support Christmas tree farmers and go purchase one. We did that for years! Neither one of us revisited or ever brought up the topic to cut down our own tree for 18 years. Then in 2020 we went to Largo Canyon, Brad’s favorite place as a kid, and cut down a tree. I think it was our way of saying good bye to a place that we were both raised and show our kids around a little before we moved.
Last year we went back to our permit to laydown fence and find a Christmas tree. This year we didn’t go up to our permit, but we went to Forest Service property, that was a little closer to home. As we walked around looking for a tree, I was watching our kids weave in and out of the trees and thinking how blessed I was! We looked at many trees trying to find the perfect one. We finally found a “perfect” tree. Was it absolutely perfect? No, but it was perfect on that day and for this Christmas. A few days later Brock said “Mom, I think this is the best tree we have ever had.” I would have to agree it was perfect and being in our new home was a HUGE way to bring Christmas into my heart.
Since then, we have cut down our trees. This is the 4th year and I love it! Our first year in Olathe, we went to our mountain permit on Thanksgiving Day. I wanted nothing to do with a traditional Thanksgiving. It was too hard with to many feelings and sadness. So we packed up some finger foods and went to the mountain to roll up electric fence and find a Christmas tree. It was a very simple day and time together was so special. We ended our day by cutting down a Christmas tree and roasting some marshmallows. That was a perfect Thanksgiving for that chapter of our lives. Not at all a traditional Thanksgiving, but the only one that I could manage and one I will cherish.
Our life currently looks and feels different and it is feeling a little more “normal” every day and every year. This year was much better, still hard but better. I focused on our incredible children and amazing humans they are becoming. I focused on the great support group in our new community and in our old one. I focused on enjoying what our children were saying as we were looking for a tree. I focused on the beautiful day and the fresh air. I focused on our blessings and how I can add Christmas spirit. I focused on my amazing and loving husband. I focused on the smaller things and it was a better Christmas.
So for now, we will take it as a win and start 2024 and see what it has in store for us! Happy New Year to you and your family! I hope it is a good year!
